


On Purpose

by StruggleBusCentral



Series: Love Me Hopeless [2]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Dragon slayer mates, Dumb boys being dumb, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Multi, Mushy fluffy love goo, Mutual Pining, NOT GRUVIA, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 09:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13454931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StruggleBusCentral/pseuds/StruggleBusCentral
Summary: [Companion Piece to 'Stand My Ground'] While Juvia and Lucy were trying to figure out their feelings for each other like semi-respectable adults, Natsu and Gray decided that fighting and ignoring their feelings was a more desirable way of coping. But love that strong can only be ignored for so long before making itself known, and now the boys have to figure out how to exist together while desperately trying to hide [what they believe to be] their unrequited feelings for one another.





	On Purpose

**Author's Note:**

> We all know that I love to leave stupidly long author's notes, so here it is:
> 
> This story is a companion piece to my other story 'Stand My Ground' but it should be able to be read as a stand alone. 
> 
> Some disclaimers:
> 
> 1\. In the very beginning, this story was actually part of SMG. But I ended up deciding I wanted SMG to be solely from Juvia's POV so I could explore her character deeper, so I took these pieces out and put them together in a story that was Natsu and Gray's sides of the story.
> 
> That means that parts of this were written when I started SMG. Which was over a year ago. And parts were written as recently as a few weeks ago, so if the flow seems choppy, it's probably because it is. I did my best to smooth it out and I'm hoping the following chapters will be less...messy. And because I wanted to make it able to stand on its own, there are definitely parts that overlap with the first story. I tried to make it the least redundant as I could. 
> 
> 2\. THIS IS NOT GRUVIA. It is strictly Gray & Juvia friendship. 
> 
> 3\. And on that note - SMG was Juvia's story. It was about her relationships and her growth because I wanted to give life to a character that I thought deserved more than she was given. So I tried not to dwell on any pre-existing, negative feelings I had regarding Juvia and/or Gray/Juvia. THIS IS NOT LIKE THAT. Because it's from Natsu and Gray's POVs, there is a fair amount (mainly in this first chapter) of Juvia hate. Obviously that will change and not be the case as her and Gray get closer, but it's not exactly pretty in the beginning. Take that with a grain of salt, but if it's something that's really going to bother you, I'd maybe skip this.
> 
> 4\. This first chapter got way out of control and I couldn't find a good place to cut it, so it's a mega chapter. The following ones will be normal sized!
> 
> Special thank yous to the beautiful rebellioncas for helping me with my writer's block and to my lovely Miss MiyuTanemura for patiently listening to my whining and dealing with me every time I have an existential crisis about my writing.
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy it! :)

 

_[In which boys are bad at feelings, Natsu defends the honor of his Ice Princess, and Gray makes an unexpected ally]_

 

Natsu Dragneel was the stupidest, most infuriating moron in the entire town of Magnolia. In all of Fiore. In the whole goddamn world.

 

But _fuck_...if Gray tried to deny he was in love with him it’d be no different than telling the sky it wasn’t blue or trying to convince the sun not to shine on a scorching summer day.

 

Natsu was noise and chaos and heat. He was audacious and crazy and loyal to a fault. He was aggravating. He was uncontrollable.

 

He was _perfect_.

 

Gray had loved him for years, since they were kids really. Since the first time the fire that lit Natsu’s fists and glowed in his eyes sparked something deep inside Gray. Something warm and welcoming that the ice mage was convinced he’d never feel again up until that fateful moment.

 

After that, he was too far gone to even have a chance at turning back.

 

Fighting, arguing, or trying to deny his feelings was futile. So he gave up on that task and just fought with Natsu instead.

 

After years of battles in an unending war, he finally, reluctantly allowed himself to accept the fact that he was destined to live out his days watching and wanting his idiotic best friend without doing a single thing about it. Natsu wouldn’t love him back and telling him would only form an unbridgeable gap between them. And that was without even taking into consideration the fact that Natsu was a dragon slayer and therefore had a mate _who was definitely not Gray_ somewhere in the world, waiting to spend the rest of their life with him.

 

Because no, Gray couldn’t just fall in love with someone normal. There were millions of other men and women in the world, hundreds in Magnolia alone, but here he was, pining for the one person he had no chance in hell with. The one person who he had to love from a distance while having him constantly close by. Natsu was everywhere Gray was and therefore impossible to forget and move on from. Every time the ice mage would tell himself his feelings weren’t real he’d get stuck on a mission with their team and have to spend day and night in the same space as the dragon slayer and all his longing would be brought to the surface again.

 

It was a disaster.

 

Why did he have to fall in love?

 

And if it was inevitable, why couldn’t he just fall in love with someone else?

 

Like Juvia maybe. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about wondering if she felt the same.

 

Speaking of the water mage, he could see her watching him from a few tables away out of the corner of his eye. He turned back to the rest of his team and tried to ignore the gaze burning holes in the back of his head. Ugh.

 

It’s not that he didn’t like Juvia, because he did. She had a strong will and a kind heart. She was a friend. She was nakuma. She had really managed to turn herself around since the fall of Phantom Lord. The few times they’d managed to hold real conversations, she was fun to be around. Unfortunately Gray was rarely able to witness those times because it seemed like whenever he was around her she flew off the handle.

 

He wasn’t stupid. He knew how she felt about him. In fact, the entire country probably knew at this point and the thought alone made him want to pound his head against the wall. But he played it off like he was oblivious to her affections. It was probably more cruel than he intended, but he had made it abundantly clear that he wasn’t interested and that didn’t really phase her so now he tried his best to just ignore it.

 

How was he supposed to have a conversation with someone about how their feelings would never be returned when he himself was in the same situation? He knew what it was like to have someone light up your whole world while having to accept the fact that they would never feel the same. He hated himself for doing that to her, for being that person to her when he knew first hand how deep the wound could be. But he couldn’t love her, not like she wanted. He’d justwait it out until she moved on, fell in love with someone who gave her their full attention, someone who deserved her. Maybe if that happened, one day they could even be friends.

Maybe.

 

But for now he’d have to endure her extreme delusions while trying to hold the lid down on his own dumb feelings. He could only hope that they’d both make it out in one piece when the veil of disbelief over their unrequited feelings inevitably shattered and reality came crashing down around them.

 

Fate was a fucking bitch.

* * *

Fate was a fucking bitch.

 

Natsu was positive the universe had it out for him.

 

Because what else could explain the fact that _Gray Fullbuster_ was the person he was meant to be with?

 

Gray could be cocky and infuriating and sometimes as frigid emotionally as the frosty touch of his ice magic. 

 

But he was also beautiful and powerful and clever and Natsu had fallen for him. He’d fallen for him hard.

 

It wasn’t an overnight epiphany like in the gushy-gross romance stories. It was slow and soft, a gentle voice at the back of his mind that grew louder as their friendship progressed with the years spent together until his heart started to sing every time Gray was nearby. And even after countless hours of trying to decipher what that meant, he still found himself floundering for an answer, until the day he overheard Gajeel explaining to Juvia the relationship between a dragon and its mate and suddenly he felt like he’d been punched in the stomach.

 

Gray was his mate.

 

Natsu wanted to scream. Of all the people in the goddamn universe why did he have to fall in love with and attach himself to Gray? What the hell was he supposed to do with that?

 

Natsu had nothing to compare it to, had never felt the same way about anyone as he did about the ice mage. He wasn’t sure if that said something about his sexuality or if it was a side effect of his dragon slayer mating instincts, but neither option would change the outcome:

 

He was screwed.

 

He considered the possibility of never saying anything about it to Gray. In all honestly, he hadn’t really ever put a lot of thought into his soulmate or spending the rest of his life with someone that way. Sure, it had crossed his mind once or twice but it was always a fleeting thought. Natsu loved his life and he loved his family. He didn’t have time to dwell on other things when his days were already filled with adventures, and he was good with that.

 

But every since he realized he was in love with Gray it was like his whole world changed.

 

The problem wasn’t the feelings themselves. So what if he developed romantic feelings for his best friend? It wasn’t that out of the ordinary. Maybe it would have made more sense to his other friends if he had fallen in love with a different member of the guild, but not to Natsu. To him, at least once he figured it out, nothing made more sense. Natsu had joined the guild at a young age and Gray had been a constant in his life ever since. He annoyed the shit out of him half the time, but he always had his back. They knocked each other down just so they could build each other back up, fought to make each other stronger, held onto one another when they weren’t able to stand alone.Gray was a pillar of stability, a shelter of comfort in Natsu’s world. Gray was home.

 

The problem wasn’t acknowledging that he had these feelings. The problem was what the hell to do about them.

 

What would Gray do if Natsu told him the truth? That he was his mate, his chosen person? How freaked out would his friend be if that secret got dragged out into the open? Would Gray be disgusted with him? Would he be perpetually uncomfortable around Natsu afterwards? Would it ruin everything good they had going for them?

 

The dragon slayer was known for being an incessant source of optimism, but in this situation even he had to expect the worst possible outcome.

 

So he settled on doing absolutely nothing. Better to be friends than awkward acquaintances for the rest of time, right?

 

But deep down inside there was a part of his soul that was restless and only grew in agitation with each day that went by without admitting his true feelings. And that little voice inside continued to urge him on.

 

_Tell him...maybe he’ll feel the same...maybe he wants you too._

 

Natsu sighed to himself, resting his head in his hands and actively trying not to trace each movement of Gray’s back muscles with his eyes as the ice mage anxiously shifted back and forth on his feet.

 

Ahh yes. And there, attached to Gray’s arm was the sole reason for his awkward shuffling, the goddess of discontentment herself: the one and only Juvia Lockser.

 

There was no one in the rest of the guild who irritated Natsu more than Juvia.

 

Sure, Gajeel and Laxus were pompous assholes most of the time, Erza was loving but volatile even on her best days, and Gray himself could piss Natsu off just by looking at him wrong, but Juvia was a whole other kind of annoyance.

 

It’s not that he didn’t like her, it’s just... _okay_ , so it was definitely that he didn’t like her. But why would he like a person who constantly tortured his best friend? Even if he disregarded the fact that Gray was his mate, he was always around him, so he only ever saw Juvia when she was also around Gray. And Juvia could be downright psychotic when Gray was nearby.

 

The girl was crazy and going after someone who quite clearly wasn’t interested. Gray might not be bonded with Natsu, but the fire mage could still get a gold star in being able to read Gray’s body language. And right then, every muscle in the ice mage’s body was rigid, a visual cry to the universe for help.

 

Natsu was sitting at his usual table with Lucy and Wendy while he watched Juvia hang off of his rival.

 

Gray stood by the job board. Erza had sent him over to pick out a team job, but apparently he got interrupted and was now being subjected to the water mage’s most recent plan for their future wedding ceremony. Her antics may have been funny or cute to anyone else but not to Natsu. Not when he could see the way Gray was trying to squirm out of his own skin.

 

“I thought I told Gray to go pick a job for tomorrow,” Erza said as she slid into the seat next to Lucy. “What on earth is taking so long?”

 

Wendy grimaced, “Gray-san seems to be a little...preoccupied at the moment.”

 

Erza turned to glance at Juvia and Gray before turning back around. The requip mage rolled her eyes but smiled. “Well, I suppose it won’t hurt to give it a few more minutes.”

 

Natsu stretched his arms while letting his shoulders pop. “Nah, don’t think so. I’m gonna go grab him so we can get a move on.”

 

“Natsu, don’t bother them,” Erza chided.

 

“The only one who’s gonna be bothered is Juvia. Ice block will be happy enough to kiss me.” His face turned red as soon as the words left his mouth. “Not that I’d want that! Obviously! I would punch his stupid face in!”

 

Erza raised an eyebrow in curiosity but chose not to comment on his spluttering. “What’s wrong with Juvia wanting to spend time with Gray? I think it’s sweet.”

 

“Yeah, well I think it’s stupid.”

 

“That’s because he loooooves him,” Happy whispered.

 

“Like hell I do!” Natsu glared just to have Happy giggle into his paws. “I just want him to pick a damn job so we know when to leave in the morning!”

 

“Aye sir,” Happy agreed but the shit-eating grin he wore told Natsu he didn’t actually buy his excuse.

 

“Well you might have to wait a little longer for that,” Lucy nodded towards the request board.

 

Natsu’s already limited supply of patience ran out the exact second he watched Juvia leaning in to try to kiss Gray. “OKAY!” He shot up and slammed his hands on the table. “That’s enough of _that_!”

 

Ignoring the calls from his teammates he charged full speed ahead across the guild, took a giant leap and managed to slam right into Gray which sent both boys crashing down on the hard floorboards.

 

“What the hell was that for, you idiot flame brain?!” Gray griped

 

Natsu flashed a toothy grin at him, “You were taking forever picking a job, ice bastard. _Some_ of us have things to do tonight and need you to hurry the hell up.”

 

Gray grunted in annoyance as he tried to untangle their limbs and peel himself off the ground, hitting the fire mage upside the head on his way, “Eh, fuck off. The only plans you have are to eat three dinners before passing out tonight.”

 

“Exactly! At least one of us has our priorities straight.” Natsu latched onto Gray’s arm and started dragging him back to the team’s table.

 

“Here,” the ice mage passed the flyer off to Erza. He looked like he was going to say more, but when he turned and saw Juvia looking around for him, he cut himself off and immediately bee-lined for the door. “We’ll meet in the morning, yeah? ‘Night!”

 

One he had gone, Natsu went to the bar to grab a drink from Mira and walked back over to sit down with the girls and Happy. He smirked to himself while he noticed Juvia looking around in confusion. Eventually she must have realized the object of her affections was gone because she frowned and wandered out of the guild. 

 

The dragon slayer was so distracted by his silent gloating he completely missed the girls starting up a new conversation.

 

"---just hope that he says something soon. I've been trying to convince him to be upfront about his feelings, but he's too stubborn for his own good. I don't understand what's holding him back."

 

Natsu cocked his head to the side in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

"Gray's feelings towards Juvia," Erza replied, giving him a look that was equally perplexed.

 

The fire mage snorted, "I’m pretty positive he’s already made his feelings clear to her."

 

Erza's eyebrows shot up and her eyes widened, "He has? That’s surprising; he certainly isn’t acting as if they’re together.”

 

“Together? Like _together-_ together? As in...a couple?”

 

“Of course, Natsu.”

 

“You’re joking, right?” At his friends’ blank stares Natsu shook his head. “There’s no way in hell ice block’s into Juvia, let alone in a relationship with her.”

 

“Of course he’s into her,” Cana called from the bar. “Why wouldn’t he be?”

 

“Maybe because she’s a glorified stalker? Because he can’t even leave his house without her knowing about it? Because she follows him home, follows him on jobs, tries to drown the guildhall every time he talks to another girl...take your pick, I’ve got more.”

 

"Sometimes people get a little crazy when they're in love. It happens. You’re the only one who seems to be making a big deal out of it,” Evergreen chimed in. 

 

Apparently the discussion had turned into a guild-wide debate.

 

"Juvia isn't in love with Gray," Natsu spat, "She's in love with the _idea_ of Gray. How can you love someone you know next to nothing about? And I'm making a big deal out of it because it's a big deal!”

 

“A real man tells the person he loves how he feels!” Elfman yelled with a fist pump. 

 

“Are you sure you’re not mixing him up with the other Gray? Y’know, the Edolas one who wore too many coats?”

 

Erza sighed, “Natsu, I’m being serious.”

 

“So am I!”

 

“Oh, it’s not that bad,” Levy added from where she was reading at the table next to them, “Juvia’s just infatuated.”

 

“Juvia’s _insane_ ,” Natsu ground out. “There’s something not right with her and she needs to figure out...” he gestured wildly, trying and failing to find the appropriate words, “...whatever that something is without dragging droopy eyes into it.”

 

“You’re not being very nice, Natsu,” Lucy glared at him across the table.

 

“I don’t have to be nice!” He bellowed. “Gray’s my best friend. The only one who’s allowed to make him miserable is me!”

 

“‘Make him miserable’? I think you’re being a bit extreme,” Erza stated. “Natsu, do you really think Gray is that upset about it?”

 

Natsu wanted to tear his hair out. “ _Yes_. Look, I _know_ Gray. I can read icicle like the back of my hand and he gets so uncomfortable when Juvia’s all over him I’m surprised he hasn’t froze her solid yet.

 

“Everyone thinks I’m the oblivious one, but it’s like none of you pay attention _at all_. Juvia’s cool and she's family, but when it comes to ice block she’s totally nuts! She follows him everywhere, she’s constantly hanging off of him even though Gray hates being touched too much, she has all these weird fantasies about having his children and she won’t take no for an answer! What part of that is ‘ _sweet_ ’?! And you’re always getting on his case about not returning her feelings, but Gray has feelings too and maybe instead of forcing him into a relationship against his will you should try explaining to Juvia that she needs to respect his needs. She either doesn't know Gray well enough to know what those needs are or she does know and just doesn't care and honestly, I can’t decide which one of those is worse.”

 

Erza looked taken aback by his outburst. “I didn’t realize you cared so much, Natsu.”

 

“Of course I care,” Natsu snapped back, “Just because we beat each other up all the time doesn’t mean I don’t care. Gray’s still my best friend.”

 

“It seems as if those things should be mutually exclusive,” Charle muttered.

 

“If he felt so strongly about it, why didn’t he just say so?”

 

“He _has_ said so, multiple times! Gray’s made it nothing but clear how he feels. Juvia won’t take no for an answer. He’s just too nice to make a scene...although she obviously doesn’t share the same sentiment.”

 

His words were met with silence as the rest of his friends stared at him in various degrees of confusion and surprise and Natsu was suddenly overcome with embarrassment.

 

“ _Okay_ well...I’m just gonna head out. We’ll meet in the morning? C’mon, Happy!”

 

Wendy and Lucy waved goodbye to them, but Erza just continued to stare at Natsu curiously as if she were trying to put together a puzzle. He felt her gaze on him even when he turned around and walked out the door.

* * *

“You sure were fired up in there,” Happy said as they walked home, “are you okay?”

 

Natsu sighed, “Yeah, buddy, I’m fine. Just annoyed is all.”

 

“Annoyed that no one was listening to you or that Juvia was all touchy with Gray?”

 

“Annoyed at both,” the dragon slayer muttered under his breath. Happy just giggled as he landed on Natsu’s head.

 

“Don’t worry! You said it yourself - Gray doesn’t like Juvia like that, so you don’t have to worry about her being competition.”

 

“Competition for what?”

 

The Exceed eyed his friend knowingly before announcing loudly, “Competition for Gray. Because you looooooooove him!”

 

“Dammit Happy, will you please stop saying that?!”

 

“I’ll stop saying it when it’s not true anymore. So probably never!”

 

“Ugh, can we please just stop talking about for today?”

 

Happy grinned, “Sure! We can talk about it again tomorrow.”

 

Natsu just groaned, continuing his path home while trying to push all thoughts of his rival out of his head.

* * *

Natsu was usually up first in the morning which meant he often got stuck waiting for the rest of his team to meet him when they were going to depart for a job.

 

The dragon slayer would make a fuss about it just to be obnoxious, but he secretly didn’t mind. Sitting in a small, grassy field just off the road leading outside of town and seeing the sunrise was one of his favorite things. It reminded him of being with Igneel as a child and watching the day start together. Warm hues of dawn illuminated the sky like the fierce flames of his father’s magic. The rays waxed and waned, glowed as ember scales and if Natsu closed his eyes and breathed in the daybreak, focused solely on the warmth of sunlight on his skin, it was almost as if he could feel the comfort of Igneel’s wings protectively blanketing him again.

 

Thinking so heavily about his father always made him ache a little, but it was healing as well to remember the times they had shared when he was growing up. So he didn’t mind having to wait a bit for his teammates. Natsu wasn’t terribly fond of silence, but he’d make an exception for those still moments of bittersweet nostalgia.

 

Eventually the quiet was interrupted. Natsu wasn’t shocked to hear someone finally approaching, but he _was_ surprised by the scent that accompanied the footsteps.

 

“Hey. You’re up early.”

 

Natsu grinned as Gray sat down on the grass beside him. “I’m always up early, snow cone. I’m shocked that _you_ are.”

 

“Can’t say I blame ya,” the ice mage replied, voice still a bit scratchy from sleep, “being out of bed at this hour should be illegal.”

The fire mage chuckled, “You’re pitiful.”

 

“Tch, says the one who can’t pull an all-nighter to save his life.”

 

“Hey, I can too! I did that one time....at the guild’s New Years party, remember?”

 

“Just because technically midnight is the start of the next day doesn’t mean it counts as being up all night if you fall asleep at twelve-thirty, dumbass.”

 

“Pfft.”

 

They sat in companionable silence for a moment before Gray spoke up again.

 

“So I talked to Erza last night.”

 

Natsu rolled his eyes, “Fascinating.”

 

“Mhmm,” Gray drawled, continuing as if Natsu hadn’t just got snarky with him, “It was really strange. She came to my flat saying she wanted to apologize for being so pushy about the Juvia thing and that she didn’t realize how unhappy it’s been making me.”

 

“Oh? That’s--” Natsu’s eyes widened in sudden comprehension and he felt embarrassment heat his face. “Oh.” he squeaked.

 

“Yeah. Pretty weird, right? She’s been bugging me for _months_ now, and I never said anything to her about it but all of the sudden she changed her mind.”

 

“Erza’s Erza. Who knows how her mind works?” Natsu replied flippantly, openly avoiding eye contact.

 

Gray bumped his shoulder against Natsu’s. “Thanks for sticking up for me, flamebrain,” he murmured softly. Natsu didn’t miss the fondness in his tone.

 

“Yeah, well don’t get used to it,” he muttered, cheeks still uncomfortably warm. “Your face just looks even stupider when you’re upset so I had to keep the rest of us from having to look at it all the time.”

 

Gray snorted. “How noble of you.”

 

“I do what I can.”

 

As the ice mage turned away to face the horizon, Natsu let his eyes wander back to him. One look had Natsu overcome with affection and the emotion flooding his chest was a reminder of how undeniably and monumentally he was in over his head.

 

Natsu loved the way Gray looked like the night sky with skin pale like moonbeams and midnight blue eyes. He loved to hear him laugh, loved how his voice sounded first thing in the morning, when he was happy or sad or pissed, when he was in the middle of a fight. Natsu loved the way Gray’s magic was fluid and clean-cut and how it was a perfect contrast to his own choppy and explosive attacks of fire.

 

Natsu’s world was bright and busy, filled with loud laughter and the constant clashes and clangs of battle. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

He was a Fairy Tail wizard, after all.

 

But whenever Gray smiled at him, the whole world was suddenly drowned out, nothing but a low hum in the back of his mind. All the surrounding colors lost their vividness and all he could focus on was how bright Gray’s eyes shined.

 

He couldn’t always tell what was going on in his friend’s head. Gray was a bit of a puzzle in that sense. His smiles were genuine but usually guarded, at least to the trained eye. And it wasn’t often but sometimes when he thought no one else was looking, he’d smile at Natsu with such vulnerability it shook the dragon slayer to the core. It was sincere and gentle, soft and small in all the ways Natsu wasn’t and it made his heart stutter in his chest to know he was the one Gray trusted enough to be so open with his feelings.

 

But right now, the easy access to the ice mage’s emotions showed melancholy, eyes so far away and smile pinched just enough at the corner of his lips that Natsu could read every minute line of tension.

 

Natsu knew Gray was soft under those sharp edges, sweet within the shadows of his feigned indifference and he thought it was awfully unfair that life could be so cruel to someone so beautiful.

 

It seemed like everyone in Fairy Tail had experienced some kind of tragedy along whatever path that had lead them to the guild and Natsu was no exception. Igneel's disappearance still ate away at him no matter how hard he tried to forget or convince himself he'd find his father again soon.

 

_"Welcome to the daddy-issues club,"_ Cana had said one night when they were at the bar late and particularly trashed _, "Lucy and I are thinking about making t-shirts."_

 

So what if he had a deep-rooted fear of abandonment and an unhealthy way of avoiding sorting through his sorrows? He was doing just _fine_.

 

But no matter how many nights Natsu stayed up demanding the universe bring his father back to him or wondering if maybe he'd been  _better, smarter, stronger_  Igneel wouldn't have left him in the first place, Natsu had never questioned whether or not he deserved to be alive.

 

He knew that Gray did.

 

There had always been something dark and desolate taking residence under the ice mage's skin; shadows of past sufferings in his eyes, always fleeting but never completely gone.

 

Gray had secrets; they all did. Natsu just didn't know how deep they ran.

 

So the dragon slayer had never asked and the ice mage never told him. Natsu definitely wasn't the greatest at finding the right words to comfort and Gray got defensive or shut down the second someone inquired about his past.

 

But then Galuna happened and everything Natsu thought he knew about his best friend was ripped out from under him as he was forced to watch Gray come completely undone.

 

Like Natsu, Gray had always refused to show weakness, wouldn't admit to being afraid or discouraged. The only thing the fire mage ever saw scare him was Erza, and honestly, Erza scared _everyone_.

 

But that whole front was shattered the second they caught sight of Deliora in that cave.

 

There weren't any words that could possibly convey the feeling he had when Gray confessed he'd been waiting to die for the past ten years...all the years Natsu had known him Gray had been holding this in, watching and waiting and thinking of death... _wishing_  for it. 

 

The name _Iced Shell_ still made the fire mage want to puke.

 

And now there was this...whatever this was with Gray and Juvia and Natsu didn't have to agree with the logic behind Gray's thought process in order to understand it.

 

Not being able to return Juvia's feelings was just another source of guilt, something else to make him feel like he was letting someone down. It didn't help that for whatever crazy reason, nobody else seemed to be looking out for his best interests. Their friends meant well, but they continued to unknowingly push him to his breaking point.

 

Gray didn't need this bullshit and at the end of the day, Natsu was his best friend so if no one else was going to give Gray the permission he needed to take care of himself for once, the fire mage would just have to power through the awkward conversation and step up to the plate.

 

“You don’t owe her anything, y’know.”

 

His words breaking the silence shook Gray out of his thoughts and he looked at Natsu with his brow crinkled in confusion. “What...?”

 

Natsu sighed, “Juvia. You’re not obligated to love her, or even like her really. You do know that, don’t you?”

 

The ice mage hummed noncommittally.

 

“Gray.”

 

It was Gray’s turn to sigh. He dropped his gaze to the ground. “I know.”

 

“Do you?” Natsu pushed, “because you sure don’t act like it.”

 

“What do you want me to do, Natsu?” Gray snapped, anger flaring instantly. “She doesn’t listen to anything I say and neither does anyone else!”

 

“Well screw everyone else!” Natsu yelled back despite the fact that they were right next to each other. “It doesn’t matter what they think!”

 

“It does when they’re constantly breathing down my neck about how I’m treating her like shit for not being in love with her!”

 

The words echoed into the quiet morning around them, but even though the tone was sharp and bitter hearing them made something warm and soft unfold in Natsu’s chest. Something like hope.

 

“So you’re not then,” the fire mage asked quietly, “in love with Juvia, I mean.”

 

“No!” Gray answered, still shouting. He groaned and tugged at his hair. “No, I’m not,” he repeated quietly. “I don’t have any romantic feelings for Juvia. I just...can’t. But no matter how many times I say it, it’s never enough for her or anybody else. And at this point I feel like maybe I should just ask her out because people keep telling me it’s the right thing to do. It would make her happy, right? Shouldn’t I try to do what I can to help someone be happy?”

 

Natsu’s heart ached. “Not at the expense of your own happiness, icicle.” He hesitated for just a second before placing his hand on the ice mage’s shoulder. “Look, the rest of the guild can fuck off. I’ll even beat them until they see reason if you want.”

 

Gray laughed, but it sounded forced and thick with restrained emotion and his shoulders slumped in defeat. When he spoke again his words were barely a whisper, “Why are you telling me this?”

 

"Because I have the suspicion that no one else has and you’re my best friend and you need to know that you shouldn't have to feel like you're obligated to be with her just because she’s obsessed with you and the rest of the world thinks her harassment is some fucked up way of being cute."

 

"Maybe, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can tell her I'm not interested until I'm blue in the face and it wouldn't change anything. I don't know what her problem is."

 

"Well considering she likes you I'd say she's missing at least half of her brain cells."

 

The ice mage punched Natsu in the arm, "Thanks a lot, asshole." 

 

“Seriously. Juvia’s crazy. I might not be a relationship expert--”

 

“What? Who knew,” Gray said dryly.

 

“Shut up, droopy eyes, I’m trying to talk here.” Natsu grinned when Gray let out a quiet laugh. “I don’t know a lot about relationships but I do know this: _You deserve to be happy_. And Juvia clearly doesn’t make you happy. I know you feel like you’re letting someone down but don’t let her or anyone else make you feel guilty for not wanting to be with her. You’re better than that, okay?”

 

“Thanks, Natsu.”

 

Natsu gently squeezed the hand he was resting on Gray’s shoulder and they exchanged smiles, briefly lost in the moment until they heard someone loudly clearing their throat.

 

Both boys jumped apart from each other immediately, turning around to see Lucy standing behind them with a huge smirk on her face. “Good morning! I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?”

 

Natsu stuttered, “No! We were just...uh, just--”

 

“I was just reminding flame face not to destroy any towns today since we all need the money,” Gray interrupted smoothly. He stood quickly and gave Lucy a nod before walking towards where he could see Erza and Wendy waiting a little further down the road.

 

Natsu was still trying to get his brain back together when Lucy started snickering. The fire mage glared at her. “What the hell are you laughing about?”

 

Lucy just smiled smugly back at him, “Oh nothing. Just wondering about you and Gray and what you could have possibly been discussing.”

 

“How long were you standing there?” Natsu hissed.

 

The blonde flipped her hair over her shoulder, “Long enough. You two seemed awfully cozy.”

 

“We weren’t anything we were just talking!”

 

“Sure you were. Like when you’re _just_ fighting with him so you can touch him all over or _just_ walking a few steps behind him so you can stare at his ass or--”

 

Lucy was cut off mid-sentence by Natsu lunging up from the ground and slapping his hand over her mouth. “Will you keep it down!? Don’t--” he pulled back immediately when the celestial spirit mage licked his palm in retaliation. “Ew, what the hell, Luce! I thought you were supposed to be like...a lady or something!”

 

“Since when have I ever acted like a proper ‘lady’?” She quipped, “besides, I’m the one that should be complaining: who knows what kind of diseases are all over your hands?”

 

“Are you two coming?” Erza called impatiently.

 

“Aye!” Natsu called nervously, grabbing Lucy’s arm and running over to meet the rest of their team before Erza could come up with a way to punish him for fooling around.

* * *

What was supposed to be a simple job ended up taking longer than they anticipated.

 

Their team was to track down a low-life wizard who had been hiding from the law in an underground lab somewhere just outside of Hargeon. 

 

He had been fired from his government field work due to his dabbling in dark magic and inhumane treatment of test subjects, even stooping low enough to start abducting humans to operate on. Apparently the dismissal had little affect on his willingness to continue the unorthodox experiments, because here they were. 

 

For as scrawny as the man looked he was surprisingly slippery and what they thought would be a quick capture ended up being a wild goose chase around the maze of the underground lab as he attempted to flee. He threw so many weird concoctions at them it became difficult to dodge and follow him at the same time. 

 

By the time they finally got him tied up and let his hostages go, they were all cranky and exhausted.

 

The girls took charge of getting the freed people to the nearest hospital; Happy and Charle following as well to help carry some of the unconscious victims. That left Natsu and Gray with the thrilling task of combing through all the nooks and crannies of the laboratory to make sure they didn't miss any prisoners while babysitting the crackpot as they waited for the Magic Council to show up and make the official arrest so they could head home. Natsu had been about to complain about getting the short end of the stick, but as soon as he noticed how Erza had gone quiet as they released the chained up prisoners and the memories of the Tower of Heaven surfaced in his mind, he bit his tongue. One shared look with Gray and Lucy said they had the same train of thought and they silently agreed to get the requip mage out of there as quickly as possible. 

 

Unfortunately that meant Natsu was now stuck listening to the whiny scientist’s crazy ramblings which were grating on his nerves.

 

“You useless mages don't understand the science behind black magic! You'll never grasp the--"

 

He was cut off when a swift fist to the head from Gray knocked him out cold. "Save it for the Council, jackass." 

 

Natsu smirked as he watched the man drop like a sack of potatoes to the ground. Served him right for experimenting on other people. Bastard.

 

The dragon slayer was so caught up in his musings that as soon as he entered the next room he crashed into a table right in front of him, sending beakers and bottles full of neon goops and bubbling liquids spilling all over everything, including him.

 

He let out a shout as his skin began to sting and shook his hands to rid them off the potions but wasn't quick enough to stop the damage.

 

_‘Fucking hell, will this day never end?’_

* * *

 

_‘Fucking hell, will this day never end?’_

 

Gray rolled his eyes when he heard a loud crash in the next room and Natsu letting out a startled shout.

 

The ice mage only spared the unconscious man a quick look before heading to his friend. He arrived to see the dragon slayer shaking one of his hands before wiping it on his vest. 

“Oi, flamebrain! What happened?”

 

Natsu grimaced as Gray walked over, "Some stupid shit spilled all over me. It got a couple places that sting a little but this hand got drenched. It hurts like a motherfucker." He presented said hand which was turning bright red. 

 

"Good job, dumbass," the ice mage grumbled, but the gentleness he used as he took Natsu's hand in his belied the irritation in his voice. He let out a low whistle when he saw the raw and blistering skin from the chemical burns up close, "Damn, you really did a number on it."

 

"No kidding," Natsu snapped. 

 

Gray rolled his eyes again, “Don’t be a bitch to me about it; it’s your own damn fault for not watching where you’re going.”

 

“I’ll be whatever I want, stripper! Don’t tell me--”

 

The walls around them started to shake as a flock of Rune Knights abruptly came barreling into the basement in full combat mode, only to find the two mages mid-argument and their prisoner tied up and unconscious in a heap on the floor.

 

“Oh...It seems you have things under control,” the guy Gray assumed to be the leader mumbled awkwardly before clearing his throat and taking on an air of command, “Thank you boys, we’ll take it from here.” 

 

Gray gave him a quick nod and started dragging Natsu out from the underground facility. 

“Just like the Rune Knights to show up right after we’ve done their damn jobs for them,” he muttered under his breath. 

 

Once outside, he noticed the sun was starting to set and the girls didn’t appear to be anywhere nearby. 

 

“I guess we should just head back to the guild, yeah? I’m sure they’ll just go straight there from the hospital.” 

 

Natsu gestured to the road in front of them, “Lead the way, icicle.” 

 

They hadn’t been walking for very long when Gray noticed the fire mage fidgeting with his hands out of the corner of his eye. After several minutes of nonstop, irritating jittering, Gray finally snapped and yanked Natsu to a stop. 

 

“What the hell are you doing? You’re driving me nuts with your twitching!” 

 

“My hand hurts,” was the reply, although Natsu seemed to be more surprised than upset about it. “Is this what it feels like for people to get burnt? It totally sucks. Man, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with it.”

 

“Well apparently you do have to---will you cut it out?!” Gray barked as the dragon slayer went back to poking and prodding his injured skin. “You’re not going to help anything by messing with it.” 

 

Natsu frowned, “But it burns. Like...a lot. It’s pissing me off.” 

 

“ _You’re_ pissing _me_ off,” the ice mage grumbled. He let out a agitated sigh. "Here, just--" Gray tried to reach for Natsu's hand, but the dragon slayer pulled it closer to his chest.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

Gray could feel his face burning and tried desperately to fight the pink he knew was rising to his cheeks. "If I ice your hand, it'll just melt since you're skin's like the surface of the sun. If I freeze it in a block of ice you'll get frostbite, and it's not going to help anything if we just burn it another way."

 

Natsu scoffed, "As if your wimpy magic could be strong enough to hurt my skin."

 

Gray glared.  _'Why is it I'm in love with this asshole?'_ "Do you want to be miserable the whole way home or not?"  

 

Natsu visibly deflated, "No."

 

"Fine then, shut your damn mouth and just--" Gray quickly took Natsu's hand, "just let me help you."

 

He gathered his magic in the hand wrapped around Natsu's, far too engrossed with trying to keep from shaking nervously to notice the fire mage's face also turning red.

 

Natsu hissed immediately when their fingers intertwined, but after a moment he let out a sigh of relief as the temperature from Gray’s skin and cool mist of his magic soothed the fire mage’s battered hand. 

 

“Better?” 

 

“ _Way_ better. Thanks,” Natsu’s cheeks were red, but he was grinning and when he looked at Gray, eyes honest and happy and beautiful, the ice mage had to cough to cover the way his breath caught in his throat. 

 

“N-no problem.” 

 

This time it was Natsu who had to tug him along to start back on their way home.

 

The rest of the journey was surprisingly nice.

 

Once his injury had been dealt with, the dragon slayer seemed content to walk along incomfortable silence, which was rare for him, and the quiet gave Gray ample time for his mind to wander.

 

Although it didn’t stray very far.

 

There were sounds of birds overhead, crickets singing as the day turned to night, and occasionally people passing by, but Gray’s thoughts, as usual, were stuck on the hot-headed mage walking next to him.

 

Holding hands with Natsu was nice, too.

 

It’s not like they hadn’t touched before. Actually it was quite the opposite - apart from Cana, who was practically his sister and Juvia, who was constantly in his personal space against his will, Natsu was probably the person that Gray had the most physical contact with on a regular basis. Usually it was related to fighting or training, but they also would share a high five when a mission went well, a slap on the back for encouragement, and even the occasional hug, though those were mainly a result of being incredibly sloshed. Natsu could read Gray in a way that was frightening in its accuracy. He always seemed to know when it was okay to stand close enough that their skin touched, when was a good time for starting a fight, or when he should keep a bit of distance because Gray needed extra space.

 

But there was something about the way that Natsu’s hand felt in his that made Gray’s insides somersault. It was a different kind of closeness, more intimate and at the same time on display for the rest of the world to see.

 

Sometimes it was nearly impossible for Gray to understand how on earth he ended up falling in love with his idiot of a best friend, but with Natsu there beside him, occasionally swinging their clasped hands back and forth and grinning at him like they were the only two people in the whole world, it was abundantly clear to the ice mage why he felt the way he did.

 

Natsu was bright and radiant. He was a light in Gray’s universe, the sun that blessed the day with warmth. Sure, he was reckless and crazy and didn’t know when to quit, but he was also incredibly loving, remarkably strong in power and in spirit. Natsu was someone who gave it his all always, no matter what. He would march into battle for someone he met five minutes ago because as soon as he deemed them an ally, he’d go down fighting for them, just because he wanted to help people.

 

Their Fairy Tail family was everything to him. It was obvious from his constant presence at the guild to the way he’d protect any one of them at any time in any situation, because _that’s what families do_. Family seemed like it would be a sore subject, given Natsu’s childhood, but like anything else, the dragon slayer refused to let it get him down. Gray knew it hurt him still, that the wound was still raw and open and probably would remain that way until he finally found his father again, but Natsu pressed on regardless and spoke of Igneel as if he was just off on another adventure, destined to return home to his son soon.

 

Gray didn’t know why Igneel had left; they may not ever know.

 

He was a fucking fire dragon; who could even guess what kind of insanity he could be involved in?

 

And Gray would never tell Natsu, because Igneel was Natsu’s everything, but part of the ice mage couldn’t help but be furious with the dragon king for abandoning his son so young without even a word of goodbye.

 

Because Gray understood the importance of sacrifice, of the unending love a parent could have for their child, and he knew that sometimes being protected meant being left behind.

 

But he also knew of pain and loss, of the countless hours spent wondering why, being too young to understand and grieving for the part of your heart that left along with them. He could still see his mother’s bloodied face, his father’s unseeing eyes, and the glimmer of moonlight on Ur wrapped as ice around the demon responsible for it all.

 

Gray’s parents all died for him, to protect him. And he has to imagine that whatever called Igneel away was somehow related to Natsu’s safety because there was no way that anyone in any world would have or should have been willing to leave something so precious behind for anything less.

 

Because Natsu _was_ precious. He was unlike anyone else and while he often made Gray want to rip his own hair out, he was also the one that made him smile the most, laugh the easiest, and love the best he could.

 

Natsu was the most beautiful thing Gray had ever seen.

 

And here and now, even though he could still note the heat in his cheeks,  the feeling of Natsu's hand in his was thrilling. It felt amazing to be allowed to be so close to him, even if his friend didn't think of the gesture as anything more than platonic. If Gray let his mind go, just a little, he could imagine that it was real and Natsu was clinging to him for reasons other than chilling a bad burn.

 

He almost groaned out loud. Great, now _he_ was starting to sound like a creepy stalker.

 

By the time they got into town Gray's head was spinning, and he didn't know if it was the long day or the feelings he was constantly trying to squash down making their way out into the open. It was overwhelming and he felt stupid for letting something so seemingly trivial be the key that opened the doors for his ludicrous affections to spill into the forefront of his mind. 

 

"--ray. Gray. You in there, droopy eyes?"

 

The ice mage jumped when he felt someone poke his forehead and turned to Natsu, who was laughing at his confusion. "Y'alright?" 

 

“Sorry, what was that?” 

 

Natsu was still chuckling as he shook his head, “I said we made it back to town, stupid.” 

 

Gray blinked and glanced around confirming that, yes, they were indeed back in downtown Magnolia.

 

Right as they were approaching the guild, Lucy and Happy came wandering out. 

 

“Natsuuuuuu!” Happy dove right into the fire mage’s chest, “you’re home!”

 

“Oh! Hey guys, we were just going to find you!” Lucy grinned. “I’m glad you made it back safely, we were starting to get worried.” 

 

“Yeah, it was just kind of a long walk back,” Gray said idly.

 

“Why are you guys holding hands?” Happy chirped from above Natsu’s shoulder. 

 

It took the ice mage a second to process what Happy was asking, but the second he did he released Natsu’s hand as if he was the one who was burnt and both boys took a huge step apart from each other, spluttering helplessly.

 

“Burn! There was burning!”

 

“I was using my ice!”

 

“For the burn. Because ice!”

 

Lucy glanced back and forth between the two of them and let out a exasperated sigh. “Okay, sure. Natsu, you need to come have Wendy look at your hand.” She started to drag the fire mage back from where she came. “Gray, are you coming?” 

 

The ice mage needed some space to get his head on straight and focus on something non-Natsu related before being around other people again. It had been a weird day and he felt uncomfortable with how close his feelings were to making him look like more of an idiot.“Nah, I’m gonna head home. ‘S been a long-ass day. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He threw a wave over his shoulder as he turned to leave, actively avoiding eye contact with Natsu. 

 

God, he needed a drink.

* * *

A few weeks after the hand-holding incident Gray’s mind was still buzzing with irritating thoughts of his rival. He’d admittedly been drinking with Cana a bit more than usual and avoiding Natsu a bit less than he would have liked and _holy shit_ were feelings annoying as hell.

 

And then, because the universe thought it was fun to watch his head spin, everything got even weirder. 

 

It was half past two in the morning, when Gray was awoken by someone pounding on his front door.

 

The ice mage groaned and dragged himself out of bed towards the ceaseless noise that disrupted his sleep.

 

‘ _This better be really fucking important_.’

 

As he reached for the door handle, he registered the incessant repetition of “Gray-sama” mixed in with the banging and immediately considered climbing out the back window and leaving town.

 

But apparently his sleep-addled brain wasn’t in the mood to hatch an appropriate escape plan because before he really focused on what he was doing he opened the door to stare blankly at his visitor. He really didn’t feel like dealing with anyone at this hour, especially not the more-than-slightly psychotic water mage who had some severe attachment issues.

 

“Juvia, do you have any idea what time it is? I’m really not in the mood to--”

 

“What did Gray-sama do when he realized he was in love with Natsu-san?”

 

Suddenly he was _very_ awake.

 

“What?” he stuttered. “What’re you...how did you... _what_?”

 

Not his most eloquent way of figuring out what was going on, but his brain was still trying to combat the residual fog from being asleep only moments before. He settled for gaping at her stupidly. She did not seem phased by his lack of an intelligent response.

 

“Juvia wants to know how Gray-sama handled it when he realized he was in love with Nats--”

 

That was enough of that.

 

Gray pulled Juvia into his flat and slammed the door behind them before turning to her in exasperation, face flushed, “Jeez, you can’t just go around shouting stuff like that where anyone could hear you.” Oh god, anyone could have heard her yelling like a mad person in the middle of the silent streets.

 

‘ _Fucking hell. Please don’t let anyone from the guild be anywhere near here right now_.’

 

Finally awake enough to attempt to process the absurd situation, Gray asked the water mage what it was she wanted. She looked irritated when she had to repeat herself again so he cut her off mid-sentence. Repeating the same thing over and over again was getting them nowhere.

 

But when Juvia seemed to lose her determination, staring nervously at the floor and pleading for his help, he gave in against his better judgment. She really did look upset and in all the times he’d noticed her creepily hiding outside his flat at odd hours she had never once came to his door so he figured it must be really important and he couldn’t just kick her out when she had that desolate look on her face.

 

Which is how he found himself sitting on his couch in the middle of the night drinking tea with Juvia while still trying desperately to get some kind of footing in this new territory.

 

They made awkward small talk while he waited on her to justify her presence, but she didn’t. Despite her earlier resolve, Juvia had become nervous and shy and neither of them really knew what to say to each other.

 

“So...” he started after a moment of tense silence, “care to explain to me what exactly’s going on and why you felt the need to show up at my door to wake me up in the middle of the night?”

 

He watched Juvia’s face flush before she stated, “Juvia needs relationship advice.”

 

Gray stared at her warily and immediately began to regret his inquiry, “Juvia...” he sighed heavily, “...if this is about you and me, I’m sorry but I’ve already told you--”

“It isn’t about Juvia and Gray-sama,” she responded quickly. 

 

Well shit. He had never heard Juvia say something so comforting. 

 

“Okay,” he breathed out a sigh of relief. “Good. Okay then. Relationship advice...” he paused before asking dryly, “...and you thought that with no love life to speak of and zero relationship experience I would be the best to ask...why?”

 

Honestly, did it matter why? Just the possibility of Juvia moving on, getting over him? Finally? That was _exciting_.

Juvia’s eyes lit up, “Mira said she thinks Gray-sama has been in love with Natsu-san for a long time and she can see it in his eyes and--”

 

_Less exciting._

“Ugh...seriously? What the hell, Mira,” Gray groaned.

 

It turned out their favorite barmaid had been spouting her opinions about his apparently not-so-hidden feelings for Natsu, and oh, if Mirajane Strauss wasn’t so secretly terrifying she would be a dead woman. Unfortunately for Gray, there was more than just sugar under her candy-coating, and there was no way in hell he was going to provoke the she-devil. He liked his body intact and intended to keep it that way. 

 

The fact that she’d caught on to his feelings for Natsu was hardly surprising. Mira knew everything that went on around Fairy Tail and now that he thought about it, some of the looks she’d given him and hints she dropped over the years made it painfully obvious that she had been in the know for a long time. However, he would have to have a talk with her about who it was okay to divulge that information to.

 

Which was _no one_.

 

Juvia just laughed at his irritation before asking, “So she’s right then? That Gray-sama loves Natsu-san?”

“Tch. No way. Me? Love that fire-eating freak? That’s ridiculous. He’s an idiot. He’s the most obnoxious person alive. He’s...That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” he couldn’t stop babbling and wanted to die of humiliation from the way his voice kept climbing in pitch. “Nope. No love here. Just--I definitely don’t care about--Of course I don’t, that’s just...why would I--”

“Gray-sama,” the water mage cut him off mid-ramble and eyed him skeptically, “it’s okay to tell Juvia the truth.”

 

Gray’s whole body was on fire from embarrassment. This was too much, too vulnerable. Why would he suddenly want to spill his guts to _Juvia fucking Lockser_ of all people?

 

If she'd shown up at a reasonable hour when his brain was processing information properly, he might have been able to smoothly deny her accusations to a believable degree. Unfortunately Juvia had terrible timing and he stumbled so much over his response that even she could see right through him.

 

But Juvia’s eyes were gentle and understanding, so he just wrapped his arms tightly around himself and mumbled shyly, “Right. Umm...yeah. Yeah I do.” 

 

“How did Gray-sama feel when he figured it out?” She asked, waiting expectantly for a reply as if she was asking about the weather and not about the most life-shattering secret he’d been hiding for a decade.

 

“Scared,” he finally answered. “Dumb mostly, like there must be something wrong with me. I never...” he took a deep breath then paused, and _was he really going to do this right now?_

 

Apparently _yes, he was_ because the words wouldn’t stop tumbling off his tongue, 

To say it was weird would be the understatement of the century, but something about the smile she gave him and the warm, encouraging look in her eyes made the floodgates burst open and he found himself letting out all the things he swore he’d never share with anyone. Juvia was patient, giving him time to struggle until he came up with the right words.

“I never really wanted to get close to anyone again after everything that happened before I came to Fairy Tail. I felt like bad luck, y’know? Everywhere I went someone got hurt. The thought of losing someone else was too painful.

“But I ended up getting attached to everyone anyways. It’s hard not to in a guild like ours, y’know? I didn’t want a new family, but I still ended up with one. And then one day Gramps brought Natsu to the guild and that idiot flame brain busted up into my life and has stayed there ever since. Even though we drove each other crazy, still drive each other crazy, he was always there. He was so loud and pushy and irritating that it was impossible for me to forget about him or get him off my mind. And we started spending a lot of our time together until it got to the point that I couldn’t stand to not be with him for too long. Which is insane, right? There we were, spending most of our time together beating each other senseless, and I somehow managed to fall in love with him? It’s ridiculous! Who does that?” 

 

He broke off long enough to let the edge of hysteria ease out of his voice. _God_ he sounded insane. “It was like suddenly I woke up one day and it all just hit me. I realized that he makes me feel things in a way I thought I couldn’t anymore. He makes me want to be better, stronger...he makes me think I can get through anything as long as he’s got my back.

“But I just-” he swallowed thickly, trying desperately to push away the swell of emotion threatening to choke off his words, “I love him so much it’s stupid. Why the hell did I have to start having feelings for Natsu of all people? I tried to fight it. I tried to will it away, but I just couldn’t do it. No matter what I do or how hard I try I can’t stop looking at that fire-breathing dumbass like he hung the goddamn stars in the sky.

“Eventually it became clear that trying to ignore my feelings was a useless endeavor so I just learned to accept it. I love who I love and I guess I can’t change that, even if I wanted to. But I wouldn’t want to, not really, not anymore. Natsu makes me happy. He pisses me off endlessly, but he makes me happy. As long as I have him in my life that’s good enough. All he has to do is stick around and I’ll be okay.”

“But Gray-sama has never told him?”

Gray looked up at Juvia in alarm, nearly dropping his drink, “Hell no! And you can’t either, yeah?”

 

He shook his head trying to push away the mental image of what Natsu’s face would do the second he heard that horrific piece of information. 

 

“Can you imagine what he’d say if he found out? He’d never let me live it down! Besides...what if it freaked him out and he couldn’t stand to be around me anymore? I’d rather be his friend than risk making him so disgusted with me that it scares him away.”

 

The water mage seemed pretty adamant about Gray confessing his feelings to Natsu, which he shot down swiftly and with no room for argument. She seemed to accept it for now, but something in the look she gave him said this wasn’t the last time she’d bring it up. And gods help him, he could only hope that Juvia hanging around Mira recently didn’t mean Mira’s loving but aggravating way of pestering rubbed off on her, because then Juvia _definitely_ would bring it up again.

 

The whole mess of Juvia’s presence and thinking about his feelings for a certain fire freak and everything he’d just shared had his brain muddled. When he fully processed that he’d been confessing his feelings for someone else to the girl who had done nothing but exclaim her love for him for as long as he’d known her, he felt a spike of guilt in his chest in spite of himself.

 

“Now that I’m thinking of it, well...I guess I owe you an apology,” he said. “I always knew how you felt about me, but I didn’t know how to handle that. I’m sorry I was never very gentle with the whole situation. It was just...a lot. I didn’t know what to do, so I guess I just tried to ignore it.”

Juvia just smiled back at him, no tears or sign of a tantrum in sight. “There is no reason to apologize. It’s okay that Gray-sama doesn’t feel the same way. Juvia finally understands now,” she responded gently, then frowned, “Juvia is sorry, too. She has not been respectful of Gray-sama’s wishes or boundaries. She hopes Gray-sama can forgive her.”

Gray was surprised to hear her apologize. He didn’t think she was even capable of understanding the frustration she’d caused him, let alone admitting remorse over her actions. 

 

What kind of weird-ass alternate universe did he wake up in tonight? 

 

“Thank you,” he finally mumbled. “And it’s okay, I forgive you.”

Juvia sighed, looking visibly relieved. “Juvia is grateful for Gray-sama’s kindness to her,” she said, then paused before adding, “And Juvia thinks Gray-sama should tell Natsu-san about his feelings.”

 

“Did you know that dragons mate for life?” Gray said suddenly.

 

“Yes...” Juvia answered in confusion, clearly thrown off by the change of topic.

 

“Well dragon slayers are the same.”

 

He could tell from the look on her face the exact second that the implication clicked in her mind. 

 

Gray didn’t want to go into it further. The mating thing was just a cherry on top of the shit sundae that was his stupid crush and hashing it out would only make him feel worse.

 

And anyways, Juvia was best friends with Gajeel. Gajeel who was not only a dragon slayer but was also already mated to Levy. There was no way the water mage didn't know what Gray was talking about so there was no reason to explain. 

 

Juvia seemed to zone out for a second, not commenting on his words or changing the subject.

“Juvia? You okay?” Gray’s called hesitantly.

 

“Gray-sama will never know unless he tries,” she stated, staring him down with a look of determination.

“What...?”

“Gray-sama will never know unless he tries,” she repeated, “Juvia still thinks you should say something to Natsu-san.”

Gray gaped at her for a moment before looking away with a scowl and crossing his arms indignantly. “Don’t you get it? Even if I did tell him, it wouldn’t do anyone any good. Natsu already has a mate, even if he doesn’t realize who it is yet. Bringing up how I feel would not only be incredibly humiliating but also totally pointless. Trust me, it’s better this way.”

“But Gray-sama--”

“Juvia, stop,” he demanded but it came out more like a plea. He needed to squash her argument before the seed was planted in her mind, eventually growing into a crazed monster. Because once she got an idea in her head, she stuck to it. And Juvia Lockser was nothing if not persistent. 

 

“I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one.” Gray blew out a breath and ran a hand nervously through his hair. When he finally collected himself, he asked again what he had been wondering since she’d shown up at his door: what the hell was she doing there?

 

Juvia’s confidence immediately wavered when she meekly informed him she was looking for relationship advice about how to deal with the possibility of being in love her rival.

 

“In love with your ‘rival’? But who...”

 

Since when did Juvia have a rival? The only time he ever even heard her say the word was when she was talking about...

 

He grinned at her, “ _Lucy?_ You’re into Lucy?”

 

She didn’t answer him, but she didn’t have to. The way her face turned a stunning shade of red said it all.

 

“I think that’s great, Juvia. Luce’s great. I think you’d be good for each other.”

 

Juvia beamed, “Really?”

 

“Really,” he answered honestly, taking a second to register just how much he meant it and what got him there...

 

_They’d been returning from a long job and had set up camp for the night in the woods, Gray up keeping first watch and Lucy shifting restlessly in her place on the forest floor._

 

_“Hey, Gray? Have you ever been in love?”_

 

_The ice mage had to consciously refrain from looking over where Natsu was snoring loudly by the campfire._

 

_“Nope.”_

 

_The blonde stuck her tongue out at him, “You’re no fun.” She laughed quietly when he glared back at her._

 

_“Why do you ask, Luce?”_

 

_Lucy frowned, “Say you had feelings for someone but that person was in love with someone else...what would you do?”_

 

_Gray sighed, walking over and laying down next to her, “I don’t know. Are they already in a relationship?”_

 

_The celestial spirit mage shook her head._

 

_“Well then how do you know they’re in love with someone else?”_

 

_Lucy visibly deflated. “Trust me, I know. I’m pretty sure everyone knows,” she muttered under her breath._

 

At the time he had no idea who she was talking about. His first thought was Natsu, but Lucy certainly never acted like she had any feelings for him that went beyond friendship. Not to mention that Natsu had never outwardly expressed being in love with someone. And it couldn’t be Erza, because she most definitely _was_ in a relationship.

 

But the more that he ran Lucy’s words over in his head, the more he thought that maybe it actually _was_ Juvia she was talking about. Lucy always made time to talk to the water mage when they were both in the guild at the same time. The light in her eyes always faded a little when Juvia made a fuss over Gray, even to the point of showing open despair and frustration when the blue-haired mage would declare Lucy her ‘love rival’. And she was so worried a while back when Juvia didn’t show up for a few days straight, enough to make the trek to her dorm to personally make sure that everything was okay...

 

“ So, then, how do you feel now that you figured out you have feelings for her?” Gray asked.

Juvia looked away in embarrassment, “Gray-sama!”

“Hey, I spilled my dumb feelings to you. You can tell me the truth, too. Turn about’s fair play.”

 

Juvia pouted in response but couldn’t seem to keep her lips from turning up at the corners.

 

Then it was Gray’s turn to listen.

 

The ice mage was impressed with the depth of Juvia’s admiration for Lucy. She was fiddling with her dress shyly but the level of passion she expressed was honestly more than Gray thought she was capable of. 

 

It wasn’t like she didn’t have feelings, it’s just that the disastrous way she had obsessed over him seemed genuine, but superficial - only scratching the surface of the idea of actual intimacy in favor of settling on delusional fantasies. But listening to her talk now was like listening to a totally different version of her.

 

Juvia was full of surprises tonight.

Gray rested his head on his knees and considered her words thoughtfully, “Not that I have any room to talk, but you should tell her. I think you’d be surprised at what she’d say.”

Juvia hummed in response. “Has Gray-sama always liked men?”

Gray groaned, wanting to die of embarrassment. Could this conversation get any more ridiculous? “Jesus, Juvia.” He faltered for a second. 

 

It wasn’t like he hadn’t _ever_ put thought into his sexuality, it just wasn’t enough to be significant. He was only a child when Deliora destroyed Isvan, not much older when Ur used Iced Shell. He was too young, too distracted to focus on something like that. Gray was forced to grow up when his parents died and everything went to shit and he didn’t have time for something as trivial as romance when he was trying to survive. By the time he was settling into life in the guild and the thought even entered his head, it was after Natsu had shown up. After that happened there wasn’t really a reason to consider what his preferences were because he had already screwed himself royally by getting attached to that stupid fire bastard.

 

“I guess...I don’t really know. I realized I liked Natsu when I was pretty young, so I never really felt that way about anyone else. I guess I never stopped to think about it.”

“Juvia thinks Gray-sama is disgustingly sappy about someone he punches on a regular basis,” Juvia replied with a ridiculously straight face and Gray couldn’t help barking out a laugh at that.

“Yeah, I supposed you’re right. And what about you? Is Luce the first girl you’ve liked?”

Juvia seemed to think it over for a moment before settling on, “Juvia likes anyone. She has liked men and women and both and neither.” She paused before adding, “Juvia likes people who have beautiful hearts. She likes people that are pretty inside and out. It’s one of the reasons she loves Gray-sama.”

The ice mage glared, flushing brightly and grumbling, “I’m not pretty.”

His scowl only grew when the water mage just giggled and rolled her eyes. 

But her voice got soft only a second later, a look of wistful longing burning in the depths of her eyes. “And Lucy....Lucy is the most beautiful thing Juvia’s ever seen,” she confessed.

 

Gray couldn’t help the way his breath caught in his throat and his heart skipped a beat because he remembered thinking the exact same thing about Natsu not so long ago. 

 

He couldn’t help but wonder if his eyes that day had held a similar look of undeniable pining.

They fell into an easy silence, peaceful and worlds away from the tension that was in the air when Juvia first arrived. 

“This is nice,” he told her while swirling around the remaining contents of his mug, “spending time with you like this? It’s nice to have someone to talk to. I’ve never really felt like I could tell anyone this crap before.” He looked up finally and offered her a smile. “Thanks, Juvia. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful.”

“Juvia thinks it’s nice, too. Perhaps...we can spend more time together? As...friends?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Even as he said the words out loud he couldn’t believe how much he actually meant them. In the span of a few hours Gray found his whole world had flipped upside down. He felt dizzy with lingering confusion and exhaustion and worried for a brief moment how that night was going to drastically change everything.

 

But one look at Juvia’s bright smile, at the amount of loyalty and fondness her eyes offered, had his fears about the future quickly dissolving into nothing.

 

_‘Yeah,’_ he thought to himself, ‘ _I can do this.’_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
